Lately, I’ve been battling discouragement. I long to be faithful to do all that God has called me to do in this life. And sometimes I’m just not sure that I am. I feel certain that whatever it is, I’m surely not up to the task.
Why do I sometimes still see God as this big task master up in the sky with a long list of chores for Kimberly? This is not the God of the Bible and I am so thankful for that!
But still I wonder, am I doing enough? After all I’m not doing any really big things. And I’m not even sure I’m doing the right little things. My days feel busy but unimportant. Why is that? Maybe I should have bigger dreams regarding what I desire God to accomplish in and through me. But I just live a simple sort of life, taking each day as it comes. I try to keep my head above water and not let the pressures of life drown out the joy found in my Maker and in the gifts He’s given me. And that seems to take all my energy.
Then I got to thinking, “Is this bad that I don’t have big dreams? Should I be dreaming bigger?” Maybe. I mean we do serve a BIG God “who does great and unsearchable things, Wonders without number.” (Job 5:9) I can think of some pretty big, exciting dreams regarding things/ministries I would love to be a part of, but…I’m not sure they are from God.
I must be careful to wait patiently and listen carefully for God’s dreams for me as opposed to charging full speed ahead into dreams of my own that may not be from Him, or becoming discouraged when God doesn’t make my dreams a reality.
But then again, what if I don’t dream? Funny how I can start to think I could be limiting God somehow by not having big enough dreams. What a funny notion that is! Me limiting GOD?! Really?
I recently listened to a sermon by Martin Lloyd Jones on discouragement and he gave a good reminder that not everyone is a cornerstone. It takes many parts to build a building. They are not all equal in size and weight. They do not all do the same jobs. Indeed, they can not. But they are all equally important. Maybe my part is not so big. Maybe God just wants me to live a small, faithful life. Maybe my big God is doing big things in and through my tiny little life that seems so insignificant.
I read an analogy in an old book called “When You Least Expect It” that really helped me.
“It is a great comfort to me to think of this arranging and mapping out of work by the Master. Sometimes I am tempted to look around, and gaze at the whole compass of the work, till I feel almost in despair. For I think, what is the little that I do for the Master, compared with what has to be done? It is nothing, a drop in an ocean. But oh the comfort in remembering that it is just what He has planned for me. That, however small and insignificant, it is the work which He intends me to do, and has equipped me to do. And He will be better pleased if I do that well, than if I leave it undone and go seeking some other work.
We should’t like the children to do so. We may tell one to clean the house, and the other only to hold the baby. Should we be pleased or satisfied if she put the child down, and began to scrub the floor, because she was not doing as much as her sister?”
-Mrs. O.F. Walton, When You Least Expect It
In the end of all my processing with God about these things, He showed me three things about Himself.
1) God is not limited by me. 🙂 That’s right. Psalm 115:3 says,”But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases.” The God of the universe, Creator and Sustainer of the world, is able to do all He desires regardless of my cooperation (or lack thereof.) Whew! That’s good to know, isn’t it?
2) God is more than willing and able to show me if there is something more He wants me to do. Again, it is not up to me to figure it out. It’s not some cosmic hide-and-seek game where we are told to search out God’s will while He tries to keep it hidden. (After all, I’m pretty sure He would win.) But He promises that His Word will be “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105) My job is to stay close to Jesus and He will direct my steps.
3) God knows my heart. Am I willing to do whatever He asks of me? Or am I willing to be made willing? 🙂 Yes, sometimes He has had to do a work in me to make me willing, but He knows my heart, and that I desire to be used by Him.
My job is to be faithful with the things I know He wants me doing and keep a prayerful eye out for anything new He might want to use me for. But I don’t have to worry and fret that I might miss it, because He will show me. One step at a time.
Keep being faithful in the little things, friends. Remember those great saints of old had mothers that impacted them for Christ. And prayed for them. There often isn’t much written about those mothers, but they mattered. Let’s be content to make a difference wherever God has us, while at the same time being open to Him giving us something new – when the time is right.
Until then, keep looking to Jesus and go have some fika!